I want someone who does not need me.

I want someone who does not need me.

Neediness, clinginess, emotional dependence, inter-dependence, separation anxiety… The muscles that allow me to tolerate these traits in a partner were overstretched during my childhood. The problem is not that they can no longer contract and perform, latch on and hold. It is the overwhelming pain and confusion that results from their use.

Those traits may motivate romantic behavior, but they are not love.

Love is not feeling that a special person completes you. It is not going crazy in their absence. It is not constantly thinking of them. It is not the uncontrollable desire to have eternal reciprocity demonstrated… time and time again. Love is not thinking that someone is the right fit for you, or taking pride in their company.

Love is feeling that your fate is naturally connected to another’s. Love is hoping and acting towards their happiness and well-being. Love is cherishing, respecting, admiring, and at least trying to understand them. Love is not something you can doubt. Love is not in your head, it is in your heart. That is right, love is something you cannot, nor need explain. Love IS.

To stay clear of touchy examples, let us use that of an apple tree. If you plant an apple tree with the hope that it will bear fruit, and you give it a nice place in your yard. If you water it regularly, give it the healthiest plant food that you know of and even surround it with chicken wire when it seems that animals are sneaking bites at it’s juvenile leaves. If you wait patiently for it to grow, you might one day eat delicious apples and sit in it’s shade on a hot summer day.

If however you plant it because you NEED apples, and honestly, not really a tree: you might find yourself feeling impatient as it grows, sluggish, one inch at a time. You might research methods to speed up it’s growth and fruiting. When it fails to meet your expectations, you might decide to remove it and make room for a better fruit tree. Worse even, you might pick it’s unripe gifts and curse it, for their being small, hard and sour.

If you need someone to love you, please, learn to love yourself.

I want someone who does not need me.


The Love Drug

The Love Drug

It wasn’t the drugs, it was the love.
It flooded suddenly from above.
It grew within, boiling blood.
Just some doors were opened by the drug.
They started the rush, the uncontrolled flood.

Inevitable it was.
For sure,
it was love.

Dream Car

Dream Car

Your nose is so close
you see scratches, not paint.
Now that whistling hose
hides the roar of V-8.

Seems time has changed
the car you so loved.
Are you ready for change?
Is it a sign from above?

Fool! Go for a walk!
You need perspective it seems.
Quit that jiberish talk,
Don’t lose the car of your dreams!

The best that we have,
We take quickly for granted.
Only our heart can save
what our mind has slanted.

Falling in Love

Falling in Love

Falling in love is like moving in
Shopping retail for a new skin
Convincing yourself you’re ready to try
A slice of that ham & mango salsa pie

Grab all your stuff, leave your baggage behind
Keep an open mind to what you might find
Close your eyes, mouth open wide.
Swallow it whole, you’re in for the ride

You’d better be ready, steering wheel steady
Eyes on the road, eyelids get heavy
Remember at times the driving gets heady
No turning back, you’ve gone far already

If only you had a map in your hand
It would help to better understand
The many turns of this vast foreign land
Why sometimes it feels like driving in sand

If for some reason, along the way
You miss that place far far away
The one where before you used to stay
Or start to long for another day

If the odd pie is making you sick
Or your seat belts no longer click
That salesman was such a shtick!
I thought this house would be made of brick!

You forget why in the first place you moved
You gave up on your past perfect groove
Seems now you’ll never see the Louvre
Perhaps it’s time again to move

In the long process you’re left alone
Guilty of actions you can’t condone
Now your heart is cold like a stone
You move through life like an automate drone

Before your next move you’d better think
Ensure the same language you in fact speak
Build that house by your favorite creek
Your love won’t care if your floorboards squeak

Build first a life in which you find joy
Where you keep close your favorite toy
Make sure it’s real, not some confused ploy
Then invite your love to share and enjoy