I want someone who does not need me.

I want someone who does not need me.

Neediness, clinginess, emotional dependence, inter-dependence, separation anxiety… The muscles that allow me to tolerate these traits in a partner were overstretched during my childhood. The problem is not that they can no longer contract and perform, latch on and hold. It is the overwhelming pain and confusion that results from their use.

Those traits may motivate romantic behavior, but they are not love.

Love is not feeling that a special person completes you. It is not going crazy in their absence. It is not constantly thinking of them. It is not the uncontrollable desire to have eternal reciprocity demonstrated… time and time again. Love is not thinking that someone is the right fit for you, or taking pride in their company.

Love is feeling that your fate is naturally connected to another’s. Love is hoping and acting towards their happiness and well-being. Love is cherishing, respecting, admiring, and at least trying to understand them. Love is not something you can doubt. Love is not in your head, it is in your heart. That is right, love is something you cannot, nor need explain. Love IS.

To stay clear of touchy examples, let us use that of an apple tree. If you plant an apple tree with the hope that it will bear fruit, and you give it a nice place in your yard. If you water it regularly, give it the healthiest plant food that you know of and even surround it with chicken wire when it seems that animals are sneaking bites at it’s juvenile leaves. If you wait patiently for it to grow, you might one day eat delicious apples and sit in it’s shade on a hot summer day.

If however you plant it because you NEED apples, and honestly, not really a tree: you might find yourself feeling impatient as it grows, sluggish, one inch at a time. You might research methods to speed up it’s growth and fruiting. When it fails to meet your expectations, you might decide to remove it and make room for a better fruit tree. Worse even, you might pick it’s unripe gifts and curse it, for their being small, hard and sour.

If you need someone to love you, please, learn to love yourself.

I want someone who does not need me.


Frustration Sells

Frustration Sells

An interesting phenomenon is becoming too obvious to ignore. On average, people are making more money than ever before, and yet we are also working more than ever before. Women have stepped up the corporate ladder and now both parents in the modern family are trapped in cubicles. International travel is now affordable for the lower middle class, but hardly anyone has time for a long journey to their neighboring lands. In countries like Thailand, families are sending their children to the street corner to upgrade their houses and cars. Meanwhile in the western world, minimum wage workers are accumulating credit to acquire the latest iPhone. We donate to GreenPeace and then are too tired to sort our trash. We eat vegan meals prepared on the cheap by strangers in cafes trying to pay their own rents when we can barely afford our own, but when we go shopping we only buy organic at whole foods. We are too busy and exhausted from work to take care of our households, family and countries.

Divided we live, conquered we are.

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